5 Family Dinner Conversation Starters for Greater Connection

As a mom of a teenager and tweenager, I am always looking for ways to connect my sons. It has gotten harder as they get older. The tell tell sign of having a “tweenager” is when he goes from excitedly telling you ever last detail of his day to giving you one word emotionless answers when you ask, “How as school?” Over the years, my husband and I found a way to break through those hard shells of coolness by expanding our dinner time conversation with 5 meaningful questions. The best part is no matter how good or bad each of our days went, we end the day on a good note with a loving conversation and expressions of gratitude. That my friends, is absolutely a tiny victory.

5 QUESTIONS FOR GREATER CONNECTION

Question 1: How was your day?

This question is pretty standard. You probably already ask this question in your family, but do you answer it honestly? In U.S. culture, when someone asks how are you, often times they are really just saying hello. The typical and expected response is “Good,” “Well,” or “Fine.” In our house, we’ve made it okay to say your day was “Just okay” or “Not great.”

As you can imagine, when someone’s day isn’t great, the logical next question is why. In our family, however, we don’t require you to explain why your day wasn’t great. We want to help our boys accept that every day is not going to be great. We want to send the message that if they have a bad day or just okay day, that it is normal. If someone want to share more about their day good or bad they can. Otherwise we just move to the next connection question.

Question 2: What was your favorite part of the day?

This question is a stealthy way to figure out what the heck your kids did at school that day. Whenever I would ask what my kids did at school, they would emphatically reply “NOTHING.” Trying to get more details out of them was like pulling teeth. When I switched to asking about their favorite part of their day, they always had something to share.

That being said, when they have had a bad day, they may say they didn’t have a favorite part of the day. That gives me and husband another opportunity to find out if anything happened that day that made it bad or if the day was just okay. Again, we want to reinforce to our boys that it is okay to have a bad day, while also helping our son’s see that even bad days may have some bright spots. This brings us to our next question…

Question 3: What are you grateful for today?

The thing that I am most proud of about our dinner time conversation is that no matter how we answer the first two questions, we always seem to find at least one reason to grateful each day.

“Gratitude turns what we have into enough. “

Melody Beattie

Expressing gratitude is at the core of my tiny victory philosophy. There are so many benefits of gratitude. Studies show that gratitude leads to better health, sleep, and mindset as well as a deeper connection in your relationships. Our family has experienced this deeper connection because most often we take this opportunity to share how grateful we are for each other.

Question 4: When did you feel loved today?

As parents , if nothing else we all want our children to feel loved everyday. Asking this question has helped me understand the love language of my children. My youngest loves cuddles and affection, while my older son feels loved when we help him when he is facing something challenging. Some days, however, my family feels loved when there is a tasty meal waiting for them after a long day.

The best part of asking this question is if one of my guys struggled to think of when he felt loved, I can take the opportunity to express my love for him.

Question 5: What are you going to work on tomorrow?

The last question is about planning for the next day. This is our way to remind ourselves that tomorrow is full of possibility. It is a reminder that we are in control of our destiny and can chose to work on pretty much anything we like.

Whether you’ve had a rough or amazing day, answering this question gives you the opportunity to reflect. It helps you think about how you want to make tomorrow an even better day.